Friday, 16 July 2010

From Russia with Love and Guns - Part 3

From Russia With Love and Guns

By Neonsamurai

New Scene: The Samurai is in a bed and breakfast in the Kremlin, and unpacking his suitcase. He hears a knock at the door, and pulls out a machine gun and moves forward.

The Samurai: "Who is it?"

Person behind door: "Room service. And death!"

The Samurai dives for cover, just as the door EXPLODES and five Russian Ninjas run in. The Samurai climbs to his feet and gets into a kung-fu stance.

The Samurai: "Five? That's my lucky number."

A fight ensues which at first looks like the ninjas will win, but using his unorthodox ways, The Samurai learns each of their weaknesses (one has a bad knee, one is colourblind, one has vertigo, another had a poor upbringing and the last one is scared of giant squid) and exploits them. As the last ninja falls, a group of men appear at the smoldering doorway holding machine guns. At their head is General Yeltsin.

General Yeltsin: "Well, well, well. If it isn't Britain's best secret agent: The Samurai?"

The Samurai: "And if it isn't Russia's most stupid idiot: General Yeltsin?"

General Yeltsin: "How dare you!? Guards take him away! I'll teach him not to mess with the Soviet Union or call me names!"

The Samurai: "It's what I do."

New scene: Back in England Boss Man is at work in his office doing lots of paperwork, when a flustered clerk barges in. He's out of breath and nervous.

Boss Man: "Dammit! Don't you know how to knock?"

Clerk: "Sorry sir, it's just that..."

Boss Man: "Well son? Spit it out."

Clerk: "According to satellite surveillance, The Samurai has already broken 50% of the rules you gave him prior to this mission!"

The camera zooms in on the Boss Man's angry face as he bares his teeth and clenches his fists.

Boss Man: "SAMURAIIIII!!!!!"


These are two very important scenes within the film because a) We see The Samurai breaking rules b) He gets captured by the baddies c) Boss Man gets very angry due to the rule-breaking.

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