Reviews Ahoy!

Well after a failed kidnap attempt I'm back and I've got loads of things to review!

"What sort of things have you got to review Neon?" You may ask, well literally loads of things including some toilets! WHERE'S YOUR TOILET REVIEWS EMPIRE MAGAZINE? In fact I've had the chance to review lots of magazines during my time away, and I even read Empire Magazine. To be honest, it's rubbish. If I'd subscribed to Empire Magazine I'd demand my money back and use the refund to pay the owner of a free blog for providing some ground-breaking reviews. Incidentally any money pledged to me via PayPal will no longer be used to fly Natalia over to the UK.

Here's my list of things I'll be reviewing over the coming weeks:

Ford Mondeo - Particularly it's boot space.

Heat Magazine - The UK's 'premier' gossip magazine.

Empire Magazine - The UK's 'premier' film review magazine.

Loose Women - Not what you think it's about. Just old women talking about boring stuff.

Pot Noodle - Can you survive on two Pot Noodles a day? Well I did.

Handcuffs - Not sure of the brand, but they worked. Why not buy yourself a pair from the site I've decided to sponsor called SpyCatcher of Knightsbridge? I'm pretty sure any woman you handcuffed to a radiator for a few weeks would be at your mercy, and they only cost a few quid.*

Liverpool Street Station Toilets - Normally toilets are free to use, so how do 'expensive' toilets perform?

My New Acer Laptop - NeonSamurai moves into the future with his latest laptop.

So as you can see there's lots of reasons to check out neonsamurai.kicks-ass.net over the next few weeks, particularly if you're thinking about carrying out a kidnapping, or wondering which magazine (not) to subscribe to.



*NeonSamurai's Movie Reviews does not endorse the senseless capturing and imprisonment of women. However if it's for scientific or research purposes then I'm sure that's fine. I was sent on a course by Thames Valley Police outlining how women aren't simply objects and should never be imprisoned, except by officers of the law for crimes and stuff. But I'm pretty sure those were just guidelines. Besides, when that Avon lady got loose they didn't imprison her for violently assaulting me with a frying pan, so the law has a fairly flexible interpretation of right an wrong.