Friday, 29 January 2010


Did you see that? A film review competition! This'll be like taking candy from a baby!

Inside the Littlehampton Echo it reads:

To celebrate the release of 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' on DVD this March, Blackbuster is giving away 10 iPods as runner up prizes with one lucky winner getting an all expenses paid trip to Disneyland Paris for with their parents. All you need to do is write a film review of 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' of no more than 200 words beginning with 'I really enjoyed Fantastic Mr. Fox because...' The best 10 will be published in the Littlehampton Echo along with the overall winner.”

Talk about easy. I've reviewed literally dozens of films, some being very intellectual, so writing a review of a kids film will be a piece of cake. Not that I've actually seen the film, but that's never stopped me in the past. Besides, I can use the internet to look up what the film's about and just expand on that. Here's what I just found on IMDB:

Mr. Fox and his wife Felicity Fox sneak into a hen house to steal chickens. They're caught in a cage on the way out because Mr. Fox sees a trap and can't resist the temptation to spring it. As they hear someone coming, Mrs. Fox reveals that she's pregnant and makes Mr. Fox promise that if they get away, he'll give up raiding farms.”

Okay so Mr. Fox is the kind of person too lazy to work for a living and steals from hard working farmers to pay for (amongst other things) a wedding to Mrs. Fox, who thinks bringing a child into a criminal family is a good idea. Christ. I've not even seen this film and I already hate these two. And I'll bet a selfish woman like that wanted a big wedding, so they must have stolen loads of chickens to finance it. I wonder how many farmers went bankrupt thanks to Mr & Mrs Fox eh? I wonder if they go into that in the film? At one point I'll bet one of the farmers went to the police and Mr. Fox went around with a baseball bat and kneecapped him, just to keep him quiet.

Also what kind of a name is 'Mr. Fox'? Correct me if I'm wrong, but there's more than a couple of foxes in the world, there's bloody loads of them. Do they all have the surname 'Fox'? There are billions of humans in the world but we don't all have the surname 'Human', that'd be retarded. And if a fox gives up 'raiding farms' what's he going to do instead? Become a writer?

Cut to a few years later: the Foxes evidently escaped and now live underground with their slightly odd son, Ash. Mr. Fox is working a safe job as a journalist.”

What? He's a sodding fox. How'd he get a job writing for a magazine when I can't? This film sounds awful. I'm going to write such a scathing review that the Littlehampton Echo won't know what hit 'em. I'm not about to promote a film about a reformed criminal thug and his loose-knickered moll lying low as they plot to ruin the lives of some hard-working farmers.

I've always wanted to go Euro Disney, but I won't be taking my parents with me though. Don't want them cramping my style.


  1. ha ha the joke's on you! The Fantastic Mr Fox is actually about Jamie Foxx and how he ruined Miami Vice by being a complete tool and by refusing to go anywhere via aeroplane (and the joke is on him as he didn't get the part of B A Barracus in the A Team movie).

    The "Fantastic" part was ironic.

    That's why you didn't win the competition. That and the small print that says ninjas, samurais and buddhists are not allowed to take part.

  2. I am yet to meet a 'Fantastic' fox. The Crack Fox, he was just wrong, a right little sicko!

    And once I'm sure one messed our rubbish bin up.

    I met neither of them.