Friday, 22 January 2010

Sod it.

I can't write a movie review everyday, I don't even think that's humanly possible. Besides I was banned from Blockbusters yesterday for reasons that I won't go into, suffice to say that they seem to have a very strict dress code... FOR THEIR CUSTOMERS.

Instead I've decided to preview upcoming films like Jonathan Ross does on 'Film 2010'.

The Road:

Dolph Lungren, Charlize Theron and a kid live on a housing estate in Wales. They go for a walk during the winter and get lost and have to travel to the coast whilst other Welsh people try to kill them. At one point a field catches fire and somebody's house explodes. This one's a bit vague as I was watching it through the window of Blockbusters until the police turned up because some woman had reported a flasher. I couldn't hear what was being said in the trailer, but the words 'survive' and 'coming soon' appeared on the screen at the end, so it might be a bit pornographic.

The A Team:

Who could forget the TV show from the 80's about 3 men and a talking truck called Pitt? They'd solve crimes and arrest bad guys breaking the rules and saving the day. To be honest my recollection of the A Team isn't very good as it was about that time in the 80's when I started taking medication and the doctor told my mum not to let me watch anything violent on TV. But they're turning it into a movie starring Liam Neeson as Hannibal and some other people as the black guy and the mentaler. I'm not sure who'll be the voice of the truck, but I think in the TV show it was the posh guy from Magnum PI. But if the trailer is anything to go by it'll be action packed!

Tron: Legacy:

Imagine living inside a computer? That's the world of Tron! And by that I mean actually inside a program inside the computer, not just inside a computer, because you'd suffocate. Tron: Legacy shows us a world inside a computer where people ride glowing motorbikes around a strange looking place, until one guy crashes and another guy says “This isn't a game.” It's not a game, it's a film, so technically that's correct. Again, I'm not really sure what this one's about as the trailer on youtube didn't tell me much other than that.

Clash of the Titans:

I think this is a prequel to 'Remember the Titans', which was a film about why racism is wrong, which kind of makes sense because I guess that when they originally 'clashed' it was due to racism. If anybody reading my blog is considering becoming racist, I would strongly advise against it. I've see loads of films and not one has anything good to say about racism. At least I presume that's what this film is about. I only know about it because a woman I was watching was reading a newspaper article about it when she had her coffee in Starbucks and I just saw the title. She had a decaf cappuccino with soy milk and was wearing a red coat, blue boot-cut jeans and a white blouse. Her shoes were brown and matched her eyes and hair, which was cut to a shoulder length bob. How do I know all that? Because I write it all down in my book. When I'm not reviewing films I like to do research on women as part of an ongoing project.

Well that's about it for the new films coming out. I'm sure that there are more, but I know nothing about them as I'm a busy man. If somebody paid me to research them I would, but I'm not a sodding charity worker.

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