Neonsamurai's 'Revolver' Review:
Neonsamurai has decided to write this review in the third person? Why? Because Neonsamurai has decided that he has moved beyond being simply a man, and has become a way of life. His reviews are some the best he's ever read and has probably changed the lives of lots of people who never bother to write and thank him. But Neonsamurai is not concerned by this. Nor is he concerned that Stephen Hawking CONTINUES to be heaped with praise and adulation, when he has yet to produce a decent review of a movie. Neonsamurai will instead take time to reflect on things during his up-and-coming film competition win.
This newly acquired self recognition has been brought about after Neonsamurai watched 'Revolver' by Guy Ritchie, which is itself based on a concept. In the film Jason Statham from the excellent 'Transporter' movies plays a gambler who gets involved in a con, which itself is also a con, but the man who's conning him is actually himself, who isn't the actual villain. No, the real villain is vanity. Neonsamurai would never fall for a con like this as he has no reason to con himself. Fat people often con themselves by eating sausages and pretending it won't make them fatter, or that they can eat five Mars bars because they'll go on a diet tomorrow, but then they don't. That's sort of about vanity, but mostly about stupidity.
“You can only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent” says Jason Statham's mind, who is also actually his opponent. “Another option is to read a book or do an evening course”, is what it would also have said if it wasn't trying to con him, but it clearly was. So really it was a lie, because you really can't be smarter than your own mind.
When Neonsamurai and his friend Dave sat down to watch this film Dave told him that Guy Ritchie isn't as much of a 'geezer' as he is and would point out to Neonsamurai all the bits in the film which weren't authentic, and sort of bobbed his head and spoke a bit like Jamie Oliver. But then Dave just sat there with his mouth open looking confused. When the film ended and Neonsamurai said “what just happened?” Dave went to the toilet for fifteen minutes with his new iPhone saying he understood the film completely, but needed a while to assess it in his mind. He also complained that Neonsamurai's bathroom has really bad reception.
“The film,” Said Dave through the toilet door “is the portrayal of a man's internal battle over his id and his ego.” When Neonsamurai asked Dave what an id was, Dave seemed to 'um' and 'ah' for a bit then told him that an id was a sort of what people had before IT was invented and stood for Information Drawer, which is where information used to be kept before computers. He also said he didn't want to talk about the film any more since it was so deep further conversation wouldn't do it justice.
Which is true. Either you get this film or you don't. Fortunately Neonsamurai and Dave did, but other people may not. I give it a score of 17A.