Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Yet another review IMDB couldn't handle

Years ago when people wanted to learn about the latest movies or check out latest industry buzz they'd visit IMDB, but times are changing and instead they're coming here, I presume. That's because unlike IMDB isn't afraid to hit people with hardcore movie facts. It wasn't always that way though, it used to be that IMDB had some of the best reviews on the internet, but some of them they just couldn't handle. Here's one of them:

Neonsamurai's 'Time Machine' Review:

Guy Pearce shouldn't be allowed to use a time machine, because he wastes it. He's got this great toy. I mean scientific instrument, and he just wastes it on moping about his dead girlfriend and trying to save her life. Duh! You're such a spaz guy!

Luckily when I've finished my time machine I'll be travelling all over the place. But the first place I'm going is back to will be the last US election where George Bush beat Al Gore. That'll teach you George! That'll teach you for not answering my emails and not popping in to see me when you were in the UK last year. My mum had cooked fish fingers and chips for you and you didn't turn up! That's rude! Al Gore would have turned up! We even had arctic roll for pudding.

The other thing I'm doing when I go into the very far future is taking a gun with me. I'll probably steal a gun in 2177, probably like a pulse rifle from 'Aliens' or a phaser from 'Star Trek'. That way, when I arrive in 47,008 and some morlocks turn up and try to catch me I'll be like:


But if they don't understand what I'm saying I'll just open fire. I'd then go back in time to when Famke Janssen was 23 and marry her and then head into the year 1066 and defeat the Norman invasion of England.

Then I'm going to beat up Mike Oldfield so that Richard Branson won't create Virgin Records and ultimately Virgin Airways, who made a fuss over nothing with my Koala. After that I'm going to steal a dragon form medieval England and then make it 'magically' appear during the shooting of 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'. THERE'S YOUR FREAKING DRAGON ANG! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?

`Oh! But you won't be able to travel back as they don't have electricity in the far future.' You might say, thinking you're scientific and clever, but the very fact that you've even opened you mouth has proved that you're an idiot!! My time machine will be coal powered! They have coal in both the future and the past.

In summary I'd say that Guy Pearce handles himself fairly well in the future, but needs to eat more.

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