Thursday, 11 March 2010

IMDB Can't Handle the Truth

"I want the truth!"

"You can't handle the truth!"

If Nicholson had said that to me I'd have looked annoyed and said in a slow deliberate manner "I blinkin' well CAN handle the truth."

That would have shut him up.

Regardless of this I have another review (or maybe that should be 'review' IMDB) that those stuffy bigwigs at another less popular movie review site simply couldn't handle. Oh, but what's this? Turns out that comedienne, mathematical genius and spelling expert Jennifer Dziura knows better. Apparently my review for popular music and dance film 'Fame' is in fact a review and not a 'gross infraction of site policy'. Who are you going to believe, some guys sat around a big table in some huge skyscraper, using $100 bills to light their Cuban cigars as they try to crush the dreams of people who want to give opinions on films, or a woman once voted Miss New York Traditional Foods? Obviously it's the later and you can check out Jennifer's (or Jen as I like to call her) blog here.

Oh what's that IMDB? Still don't believe me? Well let's see what we have here. Oops. Looks like some huge multinational internet review site has been brought to its knees by a maverick film-reviewer and some woman who asked me not to email her anymore. So here's my 'review' in all it's glory:

Neonsamurai's 'Fame' review:

Nobody ever takes responsibility for his or her own actions these days:

A kid jumps out of a window dressed as a superhero and breaks his leg; Blame the film ‘Superman'.

An 8-year-old girl steals a Ferrari and crashes it into Toys ‘R Us; Blame ‘The fast and the Furious'.

A toddler tries to shoot the pope with a customised Walther WA 2000, loaded with mercury tipped bullets; Blame ‘Mrs Doubtfire'.

Yet when I get reported to the police for borrowing ladies clothing from a washing line, arresting officers actually laughed (that's right, laughed!) when I tried to blame ‘Fame', or more specifically ‘The Kids from Fame'. That's right, Thames Valley Police refused to allow ME the right to pass the responsibilities for MY actions onto the movie ‘Fame'.

This fat, ugly copper looks at me and says; `Errrr… I'm pretty sure ‘The Kids from Fame' didn't dress up in old ladies bloomers sir. And why have you got a bra on your head?' It's like living in a Nazi police state! One false accusation after another!

I give the film ‘Fame' a rating of 2 out of 10 when used as an alibi.

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