Competition Update #2:

There's still a particularly small number of entries in the 'Win a Date with Neonsamurai' competition, which is possibly the most romantic competition ever devised. I expect this is down to the basic incompetence of those who are attempting to enter (I won't judge you harshly for that), so I have decided to post more basic guidelines for potential contestants. Please see here for a previous update.

6) The competition has now been opened to women who aren't dancers, models or actresses, although the requirement to be really attractive is still an important factor. You will need to provide proof of your beauty.

7) Upon entry to 'Chick n' Fish' please be aware that you are not to engage in conversation with Javier. He doesn't work there but he's always in the restaurant and I think he's a tramp, or an alcoholic or something. I spoke to him once and now he thinks we're friends, and we're certainly not.

8) If you've entered and successfully won the competition, you can' then request a picture of me and then email me back saying that you really don't want to be in the competition any more. Once you're in you're in and you have to come to Littlehampton and let me buy you a meal. It is not negotiable. Any future competitors must supply a full name and address so that I can come and get you.

Come on ladies, I'm sure that there were loads of you who felt left out because you weren't a dancer, model or actress who really wanted some free food and maybe some sex. If you enter before the end of March I'll even throw in your bus fare home.*


*Only for contestants living in the Middleton-on-Sea, Littlehampton or Worthing area.