Monday, 8 March 2010


Well another year goes by and Hollywood completely fails to ask for my opinions on who and what should be winning Oscars again. Do you know why? It's because I'm a maverick, a loose-cannon film reviewer who breaks the rules and tells it like it is. You want a simple film review then walk on by pal because if you turn down Neonsamurai Street get ready for film-criticism that'll blow your mind.

So which films and people should have won this year? Well here's the official Neonsamurai Oscars 2010

Best Picture: Avatar - I haven't actually seen 'The Hurt Locker' but Avatar had these huge, blue aliens and massive fighting suits which I think was enough to win it an Oscar.

Actor in a Leading Role: Dr Who - I really enjoyed watching the last few episodes of Dr Who, but the role was played by two actors; David Tennants and Matt Smith. So I think the award should go to the role instead.

Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock - Well done Hollywood. You got this one right. Other possible choices could have been Whoopee Goldberg or Famke Janssen, but certainly not Nicole Kidman, who apparently is also incapable of responding to tweets.

Actor in a Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz - Being old enough to appreciate it I thought 'Inglorious Bastards' was a good film. My mate Dave said that Waltz was particularly good, mainly because he's an expert on military history. He's got some buttons that came off Hitler's jacket which are 24 carat gold.

Actress in a Supporting Role: Whoopee Goldberg - I've no idea who this Mo'Nique is. Is that even a proper name? Sounds like an X-Men villain. What does it say on her credit card? 'Ms M Nique'? Sounds like part of a Bill Cosby monologue. Ridiculous.

Animated Feature Film: Avatar - Most of it was computer animated. I didn't bother going to see 'Up' either. Dave wanted to watch 'District 9' instead.

Foreign Language Film: Who Cares? - No, that's not the name of a film, it's just that nobody cares.

So not really a great deal of difference, apart from Dr Who creeping in to win best actor, and the brilliantly talented (and very funny) Whoopee Goldberg getting best supporting actress. Did you know that Whoopee Goldberg is married to Ted Danson? Imagine how hilarious their life must be? I just know that Whoopee and I would be such great friends.

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